Me as a cop
now stop asking
Hey, adults of the world
How about instead of making kids terrified to ever fuck up
You teach them how to cope with the aftermath of fucking up and fix it as best they can
That way they’re not so overwhelmed with anxiety every time there’s even so much as a chance of making mistakes that they never try anything and dread making decisions because of it
Is that Dwayne the Brock Johnson?
What didn’t kill me made me feel like a piece of shit for months.
hey government can I have some money to go to university
sure here you go. you'll have to pay it back but only when you're earning £21,000+ a year, and if you don't pay it off after 30 years we'll just write it off, don't worry about it man
nah man just go to uni we ain't gonna charge you
no. you gotta pay it yourself. upfront. your parents have to save up from the moment you're born. good luck, fucker. you have six months after graduating to start paying loans so you better pray to fucking god and jesus that you have a well-paying job by then or be prepared to be fucked up the ass without lube.
"this baby came out of you but im not 100% sure its yours"
Funny thing - a woman who applied for welfare after her husband left her hadto supply DNA evidence he was actually the father. The results: he was definitely the father, but she wasn’t the mother. Her children were removed from her custody and she was sued for fraud, even though she insisted they were her children.
Turns out, she wasn’t a surrogate or a kidnapper (the two most obvious explanations) - she was a chimera. As an embryo, she fused at a very early stage with her twin, forming one individual. Her ovaries apparently developed from cells that had originally belonged to her vanished twin. Later on more tests showed that while the woman’s skin and hair DNA did not match her childrens, DNA taken from her cervix did.
WHAT THE FUCk
This went from stupid to really interesting in point 5 seconds.
don’t tell me goth jack from twitter had a point
I just found the best Facebook page
if you can make me physically smile when talking to me online then you are fantastic
THIS WAS MY FAVORITE PART OF THE WHOLE MOVIE
Hans + saying the one thing he knows will break each sister
Gotta love how Disney has created one of the most realistic portrayals of a sociopath in recent history, and it’s actually damned terrifying.